A must read for bachelors and spinsters
There are very good reasons for one to want to make a decision especially with issue of marriage which is a life time contract. By my assessment of young peoples’ attitude in taking marriage decision, I could say, decision making stages in marriage could be broken down into two parts. They are primary and secondary stages as it is ignorantly currently being practiced in the society.
Observations revealed that 90 per cent of bachelors desire a female partner first, as a sex mate and if she’s lucky, the friendship could develop into marriage.
The secondary stage of decision for many bachelors regarding marriage also include ‘use and dump’ and of course, young men common unpalatable expressions “I am not yet ready for any woman to tie me down,” after engaging a lady in several bouts of hot sex. Some of these young men will say “we are just helping the ladies to keep alive and remain young.”
As a young man, with God fearing nature or do we ascribe your nature to that of the devil. Well, the truth of the matter is that your inner spirit knew that you never intend to settle down with that lady, but why lying to her using her as a sex machine? With men sugar coated tongues only few ladies won’t fall into their world of misery. Imagine, as a lady in a bid to express submissiveness to your boy friend, you willingly turned yourself to his domestic staff by washing his clothes and cleaning his apartment which most boyfriends often misinterpreted as part of ladies desperate moves to convince and deceive them that they will be a good wife. But if truly a man really loves you and wishes to marry you, is it compulsory you should go to the extent of becoming his domestic servants, before marriage proposal ensues?
Everyone in the neighbourhood sees both of you as perfect couples in view of glaring physical and emotional connection and hoping that one day you will get married. But from the bottom of your boyfriend’s heart does he see you in that light? Alas! After two to three years, the man suddenly remembers that his girlfriend must go through the primary stage of his marriage decision process. His uncontrollable desire to bury his head in between her laps had corroded his sense of primary decision which includes family background checks and expression of his desired qualities of a wife in a woman. Then questions such as, where is she from? Can I really cope with the abject poverty in her family? Is she really a wife material? How will she look in ten years after given birth? The questions kept finding there ways into his once morally corrupt but sexually active brain.
I cannot understand why our young girls can’t close their laps till they are married and even some of them allow lust for transient material pleasure to create a trauma in their life.
Let’s share from this true life experience incident.
A young man, in his late 30s, dated a much younger lady for over 5 years. The lady was very charming and industrious and always seen around the man. She cooks his meal, washes his clothes and ensures his apartment was kept clean and drums filled with water regularly.
As at then, she was attending a part-time course in a higher institution and usually assists her mother in her petty trade business while her boyfriend who was a top class corporate executive took pleasure in branching at his girl friend’s mother’s shed most evenings to see his girl friend and her mother.
After some years of their dovy, lovy and romy affairs, the young man broke the heart shredding news “I am no longer interested in this relationship.” The young lady cried her eyes out and begged him to forgive her if she has wronged him in any way. But he didn’t bulge. She appealed to people in the neighbourhood to beg the young man on her behalf to prevent the shame and trauma she would have to go true due to the break up. This young man had already made up his mind simply because his siblings all agreed that she is not from their village and these siblings who had been enjoying the housemaid like services rendered by their elder brother’s girl friend supported brother's decision.
The young man eventually got married to another lady of the same age bracket with him. This lady was blessed financially. She changed his life by lavishing gifts and money on him which was quite obvious to discerning eyes.
After ten years of marriage, the lady could not conceive and her business was not doing well any more. The couples look far older than their age. You could notice traces of long accumulated worries on their faces.
The other lady that he abandoned, had graduated, got married and had four children two boys and two girls. Surprise! Surprise!! One Sunday evening, the lady came visiting in the neighbourhood, people were happy for her and ceaseless prayers were coming from left and right by admirers who knew what she went through with her former boy friend.
On the day of her visit, her married former boy friend’s car was parked outside the building and neighbours suspected that he was at home and he must have heard that his former girl friend was around. Trust women, they started shouting “God we thank you o, shame on satan, men! men!! mennn!!!” Another woman went very close to the man’s balcony and announced the lady’s name on top of her voice. All these actions were to create a scene for this frustrated man to come out and see the goodness of the Lord in his jilted girlfriend’s life. He was aware that his former girl friend was around but shame could not allow him to come out and appreciate her.
This should serve as a lesson to young men that want to eat their cakes and have it back. Our young men should know that there’s always a price to pay when they engage in a relationship for ulterior motives. And for the young girls, be careful and learn to close your laps permanently pending when you get married. Sex is sweet, juicy but still could turn to pain and sorrow. Be wise!
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